


Surrender

by themoonthatpullsthetide



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Age Play, Caregiving, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, Little!Emma - Freeform, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Trust Issues, mommy!regina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 14:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29842818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themoonthatpullsthetide/pseuds/themoonthatpullsthetide
Summary: Sometimes Emma's mind becomes too much for her. Sometimes she needs to give her control over to the only person she trusts...Regina.This is an a fic revolving around non-sexual age play. Please read the tags before reading.
Relationships: Evil Queen | Regina Mills/Emma Swan
Comments: 27
Kudos: 113





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! 
> 
> This is a significantly more fluffy fic than what I usually write. However, I was was in the mood for something light. 
> 
> I don't know if I want to continue with this fic, so Please let me know what you think! 
> 
> As usual, flashbacks are in italics.
> 
> M.
> 
> UPDATE: Hello! I rewrote this fic adding more about who Emma and Regina began their dynamic and opening this up to the possibility of being a multi-chapter fic if you guys want. If you read the last version, i’d be curious about your thoughts on this one! Regardless let me know if you want me to continue this! 
> 
> M.

Regina’s days at the office have gotten exponentially more exhausting in the past few months. Snow has taken to rallying the denizens of Storybrooke to petition for an unprecedented amount of unnecessary and costly aesthetic improvements. The least she could do was fill out the proper paperwork correctly, but that seems beyond the princess’s capabilities. The atrocious paperwork and idealistic endeavors of the Charming brigade drove Regina, more often than not, to take her work home in order for things to get accomplished in a timely manner. 

Tonight was one of those nights. She lit the fire in her study, poured herself a healthy glass of her strongest cider, and set to work on what she hoped would be the last stack of paperwork for the night. She didn’t usually mind the meticulous work. She found it calming even, but her concentration and concern has been focused on the Savior as of late. She looked worse for wear, and though she played it off well enough to quell the rabble, Regina knew better… she could read the blonde’s expressions better than that. The darkness behind her eyes, the distant expression she wore when she believed no one to be looking, the slightly emaciated hue her skin took on when she neglected to eat. She knew Emma was struggling with something, but previous experience had taught her that she would come to her when she was ready. Regina was not good at waiting. 

Emma’s timing was atrocious; she always waited until she was on the brink of a breakdown to ask Regina for help, but she knew that trying to intervene before Emma was open to receiving it would send her head-first back behind those steal-coated walls of hers. Regina knew she was the only one she trusted when she needed this kind of help. Emma had told her as much, so she waited. 

She was trudging through the last of Snow’s proposals when she heard the door open. She had long since given Emma a key to the mansion, and knew that it had to be her, but double checked, and looking through her window, sure enough, to see that yellow death trap she called a vehicle parked next to Regina’s Mercedes. Regina let out a simultaneous breath of relief and sadness knowing that Emma had come to her. She was glad she was asking for help, but knew it meant that her friend was in a significant amount of pain. Regina set her pen down, put her glass of cider aside, and rounded her desk to meet Emma as she came through the door. To say Emma looked bad would be an understatement at best. Her cheeks were stained with rivulets of mascara-tinted tears, her jade eyes red-rimmed and puffy. She was trembling, unable to hold her body still, and was on the verge of passing out. She looked broken. 

Regina opened up her arms, silently willing the blonde to accept the comfort she was offering, and waited. She knew Emma didn’t like to be touched when she got like this – she would have to make the first move. The move that told her that Emma was ready to hand the reigns over to Regina for a bit. Emma bit her lip as she nodded her consent, a fresh wave of tears rolling in cascades down her face, and ran gracelessly into Regina’s offered embrace. She held onto her distraught friend while she sobbed, desperately fighting the urge to give in and ask Regina for what they both know she needed. Regina cupped the back of Emma’s head with one hand, stroking unruly curls, and used the other to rub small circles on her lower back, knowing that the actions helped calm the blonde down. She could feel Emma trying to steady her breathing; making fruitless attempts at deep breaths, succeeding only in causing herself to hyperventilate more. Regina started taking deep, measured breaths, exaggerating the movement of her chest and repeating, “in and out” between each breath. She slowed her movements on Emma’s back to match the cyclical nature of her respiration, and slowly Emma began to copy it. 

“P..please take over, Gina..” Emma whispered into Regina’s ear. Her voice was horse from crying and laced with exhaustion from the sleep she undoubtedly wasn’t getting. Those were their agreed upon words. The words, that when spoken, gave Regina control over even the most mundane of Emma’s choices. In saying those words, she gave herself over completely. 

“This only works if you let me, dear. You can’t fight me like you did last time,” Regina said gently. Emma is used to fighting. Growing up in foster care, she was never taken care of, and was constantly on-guard, protecting herself from all of the people who were all too eager to abuse the trust she placed in them. She fought being vulnerable within an inch of her life; burying her pain with declarations of “I’m fine”, her lack of sleep with caffeine and concealer, and her dizziness from malnutrition by leaning up against the wall with a casual air that took years to perfect. Regina saw through it. She was the only one able to truly read Emma, and the only one Emma would ever be completely honest with. A few months ago, when Emma got to this point, the point where she felt so out of control that she couldn’t even focus on something as simple as her next breath, she came to Regina and pleaded with her to make it stop… to somehow force her mind to stop relentlessly torturing her with past memories, insecurities, and destructive thoughts that sometimes plagued the blonde.

This morning the town of Storybrooke was woken by the unmistakable, piercing screech for a banshee running amuck through town square. Naturally, the denizens of Storybrooke, fronted by non other than the Uncharmings themselves, practically dragged their “Savior” into the middle of banshee terror without taking a moment’s through that maybe, just maybe, she didn’t know what she was walking into. When Regina arrived,, Emma had already been thrown against the clocktower and was be berated by the rabble to “just vanquish” the beast. ‘The Charming’s disregard for their daughter’s safety is truly astonishing. Gods forbid they think before throwing their daughter head-first into the middle of a potentially life-threatening magic fight she isn’t ready for.’ Regina thought as she threw a look to Snow and David so piercing it would have brought a god to its’ knees. They slinked back. ‘Good’ she thought. She turned towards Emma just in time to see her attempt at hitting the soaring creature in vane. Regina threw a fire ball without a second thought, and set a momentary protection spell around the two. 

As he banshee swerved back to recover from the blow, Regina leaned close to Emma, scanning her body and facial expressions as she went. 

“Emma, are you okay? What happened?” She was concerned. Emma had bruises and broken glass all over her. Her jaw was set in an attempt to hide the pain and her face was schooled in her ‘savior’ façade. Emma looked around, took Regina’s hand and just squeezed. That was all the answer she was going to get with the audience they had. 

When the banshee came back around, both Regina and Emma’s combined magic was able to vanquish the demon, but not without draining an already significantly battered Emma. Regina knew that they had Friday morning family breakfast at the loft, but asked if she wanted to come over the mansion later for a drink. 

“Maybe,” Emma commented with not an ounce of conviction. Her façade was in place enough to satiate everyone else, but Regina was concerned. 

_It was nearing midnight and Regina was sitting on the couch in her study, reading Anna Karenina, and drinking a tumbler of cider. It had been a much-needed peaceful night. She was about to retire to her bedchamber when she saw headlights pull up to the mansion. Regina, still clad in a sapphire blue, knee-length, key-hole dress and black stiletto pumps, went across the foyer to open the door only to be met with an incredibly distraught Savior._

_Emma collapsed haphazardly into Regina and sobbed, a sight Regina seldom sees. The blonde usually swallows her upset and blatantly refuses to let others see her cry. This display, and her current physical state concerned Regina, greatly. Shed picked up her friend bridle-style and sets her on Regina’s lap, head on her chest rubbing her back while she calmed down._

_“It’s okay, dear. Just let it out,” she cooed. Emma whimpered and hung her head, chin to chest._

_“I can’t do this anymore, Gina.” Emma sounded unequivocally defeated. Regina’s concern grew._

_“Talk to me.” Her voice was soft, but the command left no room for discussion, and Emma’s reaction was immediate. Regina made a mental note to ask the blonde about it later._

_“It’s just… I… I can’t do this, Gina. Everyone wants me to be their ‘Savior’ and Snow and David want me to be this perfect princess of a daughter and brother to Neil when I can barely keep myself together. I feel like I’m drowning, Gina.. You know what she said to me today? Snow?” Her voice grew in timber, but the sadness was still weaved through her tone. Regina kept looking at her with a kind of genuine authenticity that didn’t elude Emma. Sensing the blonde’s escalating emotional state, and thoughts of second-guessing her openness, Regina continue to rub circles on her back._

_“What did she say, dear? You can tell me,” Regina prompted while continuing to rub the blonde’s back._

_“She told me she was glad they sent me away in the wardrobe! They told me that I had fulfilled my destiny; that I saved their people just like I was prophesied to do. Regina they abandoned me! Do you know what I went through in foster care? Do you know how many times I starved or was beaten or worse? How many times I sat, alone, in bed at night crying about how much I wish I had a mom to tuck me in. Did you know I was never hugged or held? That I hate being touched because of what being touched has meant in the past? And they are proud of what they did, and if that wasn’t bad enough, they would do it again. They said so. They don’t believe they did anything wrong. They don’t care what it did to me. They don’t care about what memories I have to try so hard to push down; how much I have to fight against everything in my head all the time, they don’t care because I play the role they want me to play.”_

_Emma was openly sobbing, full body, heart-wrenching sobs. So much was being expected of her, and it wasn’t a life she wanted or was prepared for, and absolutely nothing that Emma said was untrue. Regina could related to that all too well. The wish to live your life the way you wanted, to be who you wanted. To be held in loving arms and cared for, not to be show time ad again that your body, your mind, was nothing more than a pawn in a malevolent game; something to be shown off and used against your will to further an agenda not your own._

_“I can’t do this anymore, Gina. I have nothing left to give.” Her voice was soft, horse, eyes pleading to the one person she knew would understand._

_“Then let me,” she replied softly. When Emma looked at her calculatingly, she found nothing but understanding and kindness. “Let me care of you. Take off the ‘Savior’ façade, and leave behind the forlorn idea of being the perfect princess daughter. You can be however you need to be with me. Let me take over for a while.”_

_“Gina, you don’t know what you’re asking of me. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” she sounded meek, but underneath the apprehensiveness and feeble protest was desire; a whole-hearted need to not have to make all of the decisions all of the time. To be cared for in the way she so desperately wished someone would have taken care of that hurt and scared little girl all of those years ago; the one that was still buried deep inside her longing for her to accept the care the only person she has ever trusted was offering._

_“I’m asking you to trust me. To trust that I will not hurt you and will only ever act in your best interest. I am asking that you let me make the choices for you, for however long you need in order to take some of the enormous weight off of your shoulders. I will not judge you, Emma. What we do together, will stay with us, I promise.” Regina was sincere. Emma knew that, and it was everything she could have wanted, but she’d spent so long pushing people to the very outskirts of her life and hiding behind all of her carefully, and skillfully constructed walls that the idea of letting anyone in that much, even Regina terrified her. Regina could see she was scared, and took both of the blonde’s hands in hers._

_“What’s the catch? What do you get out of it?” She questioned not unkindly. Regina knew she was only asking because she was scared – because she truly believed that no one could possible want to care for her without an ulterior motive. She didn’t blame her; she came by that apprehension honestly. Regina would have questioned the same._

_“I get to feel needed, and I get to do so by helping someone I care for deeply. All I ask in return is for respect and honesty. That you treat me with the same respect that I will treat you with. That you do no judge or make jest of our interactions, and that you respect the things I tell you to do, trusting that there is a reason for every action or word I say to you. That you are honest about your feelings including when, and especially if, you are scared. That you tell me if something makes you uncomfortable or you do not wish to complete an action I have requested. We can’t work through emotions or fears if you do not share it with me.” Regina held Emma’s eyes with her own the entire time she spoke, watching as a cascade of emotions painted across her face. She knew this was something Emma wanted. The only question was whether or not she was willing to admit it._

_“I’m scared to Regina. I want to, but I’m scared.” She diverted her eyes, unable to feel this vulnerable under Regina’s careful consideration._

_“How about this?” She said catching Emma’s chin between her fingers, lifting until their eyes were level. “If this is something you want to try, all you have to do is tell me to take over, and I will.”_

Emma had tried to varying degrees a few times in the pervious few months, however, she eventually got scared and either ran or fought back, lashing out or acting in defiance when Regina inevitably had her do something that was hard. The last time they played this song and dance a few weeks prior, Emma bolted from the manor with shocking speed and spent the day dodging any attempts to contact her, walking in the forest and along the beach until she came, head hanging, back to the manor to face the music with her concerned friend. 

_Emma walked through the door of Miflin St., tears in her eyes, knowing that she had hurt and scared Regina when she bolted out the door, again. Regina only wanted to help, Emma had even asked for it, but the idea of giving her control over to the only person she trusted was an entirely different beast than actually doing it. She felt so stupid. She spent her life running - from everyone who saw even a hint of vulnerability, from uncomfortable feelings, from haunting memories that refused to relent. Regina is the one person she has never had to run from; the one person who never asked her to be anything more than what she was in that moment… and she ran because that scared her._

_Regina immediately went to the blonde and Emma fell into her arms, unable to hold herself up from a full day of walking around on empty. Regina wrapped her arm around the blonde’s waist and walked them towards the couch. Emma leaned into Regina, asking to be held, but unable to form the words. Luckily Regina knew what she needed… she always did. They never needed words; they just knew. Regina held her until she stopped crying, and then a little longer for good measure before opening up a conversation with her conflicted friend._

_“What happened today, Emma? Why did you run?” Regina knew she had gotten scared, she even had an inkling as to why, but it was important to her that Emma knew why and felt comfortable enough with Regina to voice it._

_“I got scared,” she said simply. Her voice was laced with heartbreak and pain; the kind of pain that comes from years of being told and shown that being vulnerable will only ever be used to hurt you._

_“I know that, dear. I’m more interested to know what exactly it was that scared you enough to elicit you running. I know giving control over to me was and is scary to you, but something specific set you off. What was it?” Regina questioned. She started running her fingers through Emma’s hair, slowly untangling the mess of curls that had knotted in the wind during her day-long trek of avoidance._

_“I knew what you were going to ask of me after dinner. I couldn’t do it,.” She knew from that response that Emma became triggered by something she thought would occur, and knew that she was going to have to coax Emma to share what it was if they were ever going to be able to successfully do this._

_“What did you think I was going to ask of you, Emma?” Her voice was soft but firm. She was in control, she had to be because in this moment, Emma most certainly was not. Emma’s breathing picked up, but she leaned farther into Regina and forced herself to talk. Regina wouldn’t judge her. She never has._

_“You… you were going to ask me to shower and then go to sleep.” Emma knew Regina’s nightly routine as well as her own by now. She had spent many a night at the manor after too many glasses of cider and late night conversations in Regina’s study. Shower, read, then bed. It was what she did every night._

_“What did that bring up for you?” Regina asked gently. She knew enough about Emma’s past to know that her aversion to either of those things was something she came by honestly, and it was something they would need to work through together, but they would never be able to do that unless Emma told her why those things scared her._

_“Foster home seven. I was the only one home with him during the day. He broke all the locks on the doors in the house.” A wave of nausea hit Regina hard, and murderous impulses followed a heartbeat later. She knew where this story was headed, and she knew that if she interrupted Emma, she would never pick the conversation back up. Sensing Emma was collecting herself to speak, Regina held on tighter, silently reminding Emma that she was safe and with Regina, not back in that home with that man. “The woman had beaten me that day. That’s why I wasn’t in school. I couldn’t really move much… I think she broke my ribs which wouldn’t have stopped me from going to school except I also had a black eye, and people would ask too many questions, so I had to stay home. I was taking a shower. He watched her beat me. He knew I was too hurt to fight back… I …” Emma trailed off, unable to continue the thought, but she knew Regina understood._

_“Shh… dear. You’re okay. You’re with me. You’re safe,” She cooed as she held Emma tighter._

_“I’m scared to close my eyes, Gina. They are always there. He is always there.” She gasped out as she cried harder._

_When Emma calmed down, Regina pulled back enough to meet her eyes._

_“Dear, this won’t work if you don’t let it. If something is scary or triggering, I need you to tell me, and we can work through it together. This doesn’t work if you fight me or run away.” Her tone was soft and the sincerity and care in her eyes was not missed by Emma._

_“I know. It just gets to be too much, Gina. It’s all too much.” Emma laid her head back down on Regina’s chest and held onto her friend for dear life. Her body released some of the tension it was holding at the admission._

“I know,” Emma admitted shyly, the tension noticeably releasing from her body when she realized that Regina wasn’t going to leave because she ran… again.

“Okay, dear. I want you to lay on the couch while I go make you something to eat. I don’t trust you to stand right now.” Her tone was not unkind, but left no room for argument. Emma tentatively pulled away from the embrace, still keeping one arm wrapped around Regina for support. She walked them both to the couch, and when she was sure Emma was comfortable, she went to the kitchen to prepare something of sustenance for the blonde. She was in desperate need of a home cooked meal.   
Regina came out of the kitchen shortly after with a plate of lasagna and a cup of hot cocoa for Emma. Seeing how large the serving was, Emma’s eyes went wide and she looked towards Regina. She knew that Emma had a hard time eating when she was this far gone, and she knew that it was likely a few days since she ate anything remotely substantial, so she was determined to get Emma to eat at least most of what was on the plate. She set both the cocoa and the lasagna down on the coffee table and sat down at the end of the couch next to Emma. Emma slowly took a few small bites and a few sips of cocoa hoping that it would appease Regina. No such luck. 

Regina picked up the fork, stuck a sizable piece of lasagna on it and held it up to Emma’s mouth. Emma furrowed her brows and stared at the presented food. 

“I can feed myself, Gina,” she said with as much conviction as she could muster. Regina raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow and looked at her unamused. 

“Really? Because that seems to have not been the case so far,” Regina challenged, though her tone held no accusation or judgment. Emma didn’t respond and just looked at Regina. “When was the last time you ate?” When Emma was quick to open her mouth, Regina added, “let me clarify. When was the last time you ate something that I would consider substantive?” Emma shut her mouth and diverted her eyes, suddenly finding the hem of her shirt endlessly fascinating. 

“A few days,” she replied softly, sadness evident in her voice. 

“Thought so. It’s up to you Emma. Either you eat of your own accord, or I will feed you.” The statement was said softly, and Emma knew that Regina was serious about feeding her if she found she was unable to bring herself to do so. 

Emma opened her mouth, but couldn’t bring herself to look at Regina while she did so. Regina fed her the bite, then cupped her face with her hand, softly rubbing her thumb over her cheekbone, silently telling her that she was okay and that Regina understood. 

Once the plate of lasagna was mostly consumed, Emma leaned into Regina’s side, cocoa in hand, and let herself be held finding comfort and security in Regina’s familiar scent and the weight of having a familiar body wrapped around hers. They sat together in a comfortable silence, each in their own thoughts. Emma, tears streaming down her face, looked towards Regina, knowing what was coming next. Regina, sensing Emma’s anxiety, took her cocoa cup, set it on the coffee table, and turned her head to make eye contact with Emma, still holding her. 

“Would a bath or shower be easier?” Regina asked, not giving her an option about whether or not to she was going to bathe. She knew it was triggering for Emma, and she was determined to help her friend find a way to make it more tolerable. Tears started rolling down Emma’s face in cascades and she shook her head from side to side, both willing the memories that were threatening to crop up to stay at bay, and indicating to Regina that neither were safe options. Regina lightly stilled her head, placing a hand on either side of her face forcing eye contact. “I know this is hard for you, dear. Would it make it easier if I stayed with you while you bathed?” Emma stared at her, unable to convey what she was feeling. She knew it would be easier if Regina was with her. She trusted the brunette, and knew that being alone, nude, in the bathroom would be unbearable right now, but she didn’t want to ask for it. She was too embarrassed. 

Sensing Emma’s conflict, and knowing that her friend has a propensity for nonverbal answers when she was this upset, Regina took one of her hands and laced her fingers with Emma’s. 

“Squeeze once for yes and twice for no, dear.” Emma squeezed once. 

“Would it be easier for you if I stayed in the bathroom with you?” A sob escaped Emma as she squeezed Regina’s hand once. Knowing that this would only get harder the longer they put it off, Regina poofed them upstairs without much further ado, and walked them automatically to her on-suite bathroom setting Emma down on the toilet seat. She turned on the faucet to the bathtub and then turned towards her trembling friend. She reached a hand out and Emma immediately took it, wanting the contact. “Do you want help out of your clothes, or do you want to do it on your own?” Regina questioned. Emma squeezed twice and Regina turned around to give her some privacy. 

When she heard Emma get into the bathtub, she sat on the toilet seat and looked towards the blonde. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her knees that were pulled up to her chest, tears streaming down her face. Regina sighed and moved to sit on the edge of the bathtub. She conjured a small, plastic cup that she used to wash Henry’s hair when he was younger and filled it with water. 

“Tilt your head back dear,” she said kindly. Emma did without hesitation. Regina carefully wet her hair, then took some of her apple scented shampoo and massaged it into Emma’s scalp. Emma leaned into the touch, tears abating. She rinsed the soap from her friend’s hair and repeated with the conditioner. When her hair was clean, Regina took a bit of body wash on a washcloth and started gently washing Emma’s back, arms and shoulders. She rinsed the soap off with the cup, and left to get a towel from the linen closet. When she returned, Emma was still in the same position, but looked less distant. She tentatively reached out her hand for Regina who took it, diverting her eyes as Emma stood from the bath and took the towel from Regina’s other hand. 

Regina walked them to her bed where she had conjured Emma’s pajamas that she kept in the guest room for when she slept over. While Emma got changed, Regina retrieved the brush and hair tie from her vanity, walking back over to the bed only when she heard Emma finally cease struggling to wiggle her tank top over wet skin. Regina propped herself up against the headboard, and when she was comfortable, reached forward and wrapped her arms around the blonde’s middle, pulling her in between Regina’s legs. She chuckled lightly at the small squeak that slipped from Emma’s lips. The action earned her a smile, one that she hadn’t seen in days, and it made her sigh a breath of relief. 

She started gently brushing through Emma’s hair and braiding it lightly, hoping that it would tame the unruly bed head that the blonde always woke up with. Emma leaned back into the gentle touch, and Regina watched as the tension released from her shoulders and upper back. When she was finished, Emma moved to lay besides Regina, head on her chest. It wasn’t unusual for them to sleep together, both finding comfort in the other’s company. She was exhausted and hadn’t slept more than a few hours a night in almost a week, but she was scared to close her eyes; scared of the nightmares to come. She buried her head farther into Regina’s chest and wrapped her arm around her slim waist, trembling slightly. Regina started softly rubbing her back. 

“I will be right here all night. I’m not going anywhere, I promise. Just close your eyes, dear,” she reassured, knowing full-well that it would not completely abate her fear, but hoping it would provide enough comfort for her to close her eyes. She knew Emma would be asleep momentarily after she did so. She watched Emma fight sleep not unlike a stubborn child, but eventually exhaustion won out, and Emma drifted off to sleep in Regina’s arms who followed suit soon after. 


	2. Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! 
> 
> I decided to take this fic more in the direction of non-sexual age play, and have updated the tags and ratings to match. 
> 
> I would love any feedback you have on this chapter, as well as any topics you would like to see Regina and Emma work through!
> 
> M.

Regina woke to the muffled sound of clinking coming from downstairs. She rubbed her hands down her face and looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was just after three AM. She looked to her right to see a body pillow where Emma should have been laying fast asleep. ‘Smart girl,’ Regina thought with a slight smirk. She ran her hands through cropped auburn curls and took the black silk robe off of her vanity before following the noise down the stairs. 

She walked into a dimly lit kitchen that held the unmistakable aroma of freshly brewed coffee. She knew then that Emma had woken up in the middle of the night, most likely from a bad dream and decided against making a second attempt at sleep. She also opted not to tell Regina; an action that she wanted to nip in the bud immediately. 

Regina walked to the window seat in the dining room that overlooked the rest of Miflin St., knowing that it was one of Emma’s favorite places in the house to sit and think. The blonde was curled up, knees to her chest, head resting on her knees, and a half-full coffee cup firmly in both of her hands. Regina could tell she was deep in thought as she didn’t acknowledge that anyone else was in the room with her; something that would have typically caused the blonde to startle. She sighed and walked slowly towards her friend, sitting in front of her with one leg tucked under herself. Emma looked at Regina, but kept her head resting on her knees. From this angle, the brunette could see the remnants of tears in the puffy red eyes that were staring back at her. 

“That’s quite enough of that,” Regina said softly, gently taking the coffee cup from the blonde and setting it on the table beside them. Emma’s hands immediately gripped around the back of her neck, clawing crescent moons into her skin as she tried to bite back more tears. Regina reached around Emma, careful to keep her hands within the blonde’s line of sight, and pried her hands off the back of her neck, gently lacing their fingers together, holding hands. Emma fought to take her hands back, to create the pain she needed in order to keep the wave of emotions from consuming her, but Regina held on tightly, determined to not allow her friend to hurt herself. Regina brought their hands to her chest and allowed the blonde to feel her heart beat and the motion of her steady breathing. Emma calmed slightly and looked to Regina, storms behind her eyes, telling a tale of unmistakable despair. 

“You had a nightmare.” Regina didn’t need to ask, she knew, and she was also aware that if she asked Emma if she had one, she would refuse to answer in an attempt to avoid the conversation Regina was determined to make sure they had. “Why didn’t you wake me?” Regina waited, but when Emma made no attempt at answering, she decided to push a bit. “Talk to me, dear.” Her voice held more conviction, remembering that Emma had responded to that well yesterday. 

“I can’t,” Emma responded. She sounded so small; her voice barely above a whisper, holding the timber of a scare little girl, much younger than the otherwise self-assured Savior. 

“Why’s that, dear?” Regina remembered how hard it could be to coax information out of Henry when he was truly frightened and knew that to be much the same with Emma. ‘Like mother, like son’ she thought. 

“What do you want me to say, Gina?” Emma said defensively, trying to take her hands from Regina’s. Regina held on tightly and squeezed Emma’s hands once, firmly, getting her attention. Hazel eyes held jade as she spoke. 

“Emma, take a deep breath and try a different tone, please.” Regina’s tone was firm, but kind, and Emma’s response was immediate. She relented, letting her hands be held by the brunette, and was quick to divert her glassy eyes. Regina ducked her head, to meet Emma’s eyes and squeezed her hands again. She recognized the tell-tale signs of an exhausted Savior, and decided this conversation could wait for a more reasonable hour. 

“Come back to bed, dear. We could both use with some more sleep. We will talk more in the morning.” In an uncharacteristic show of strength, Emma ripped her hands from Regina, eyes wide with fear, as she tried, in vane, to press herself farther into the wall. 

“No, Gina, no! You can’t make me! No, no, no!” She yelled as she shook her head from side to side, working herself up into hyperventilating. Regina sat back down in front of the terrified blonde, and gently placed her hands on either side of her face, stroking her cheeks with her thumbs. 

“Sweetie, look at me,” Regina said softly, sensing she was engaging with a much younger Emma. Reluctantly, Emma met her eyes, tears streaming down her face, fear still ever present. “I will not leave you, I promise. I will be right next to you all night.” Seeing that her words had quelled the blonde’s hyper vigilant state just barely, she tried something else. “Sweetie, do you trust me?” She questioned, still holding Emma’s head in her hands, looking at her intently. Emma nodded yes. At that, Regina took Emma’s hands and wrapped them around her neck as she lifted the blonde from the bench and into her arms. Emma held on tightly and stiffened at the action, though was quick to relax into the embrace. Regina held her hands clasped under Emma to keep her securely in Regina’s arms as she moved up the stairs. Emma, now knowing where they were going, started to try and pull herself free. 

“Shhh, dear, we are not going to bed just yet. I won’t let anything happen to you. You are safe with me, I promise.” Regina cooed as she held on tighter to Emma. She walked to her bedchamber and, with a flick of her wrist, conjured a rocking chair in the corner along with Emma’s white knit, monogrammed baby blanket. She sat them both in the chair, Emma’s head still resting in the crook of Regina’s neck, legs wrapped around her waist, and put the blanket over the top of both of them. She started rubbing soft circles on Emmas back as she hummed a lullaby her father had sung to her as a child in the Enchanted Forest. She could feel Emma’s tears against the silk of her pajamas, knowing that Emma was still fearful of what would meet her when she finally relented and closed her eyes. Regina continued to rock them, slowly feeling the tension leave Emma’s body as her exhaustion won out over her fear. When she was sure Emma was asleep, she poofed them back into bed, Emma laying completely on top of Regina, baby blanket still covering the top of them as they fell back asleep. 

Regina woke well before Emma, which worked greatly to her benefit. She texted her assistant and David and informed them that both Regina and Emma would be out of the office today. She wanted the day to talk to Emma about what had happened last night; both the conversation they forewent about Emma’s neglecting to wake her up after her nightmare, but also about the younger side of the Savior that came out last night. She had suspected for a while that Emma might have a little side. Some of her day-to-day mannerisms; her child-like diet, her tendency to fidget whenever she was uncomfortable, her carefree glee at Henry’s comics, video games, or other adolescent activities, and her responsiveness to Regina’s “mom voice”, as Henry had taken to calling it, gave that indication. It wasn’t until last night that little Emma made a full appearance and she wasn’t sure how aware Emma was of that side of herself much less how open she would be to talking about it with Regina. She hoped that Emma would feel comfortable with allowing that part of herself to surface when it was just the two of them, but knew that it would be a long process for Emma to embrace it. 

Emma started shifting around and let out a small sigh when her eyes flickered open and saw the light filtering through the curtains. She was comfortable and relaxed which was an infrequent enough occurrence for her to take inventory of her surroundings. The faint aroma of Regina’s perfume and apple-scented shampoo told her where she was, but she was momentarily confused by the presence of her baby blanket. ‘I never take it out around anyone’ she thought. As she woke up more, slowly but surly, she realized that she was laying on Regina… like right on top of her. Emma quickly threw herself to the other side of the bed, and as the events of last night came back full throttle, her eyes went wide with panic, looking to the brunette whom she was sure would be at least put off, if not disgusted by her display last night. 

Regina expected and prepared for this particular response and, still covered with Emma’s baby blanket, sat up against the headboard, and reached her hand out offering Emma a safe form of physical comfort. Emma took it hesitantly, and Regina laced their fingers together, beckoning her closer. A few tears escaped jade eyes as she inched closer to Regina, carefully examining Regina’s face for any sign of disgust or annoyance before moving any closer. When she was sitting beside Regina, the brunette took Emma’s baby blanket, wrapped it around her shoulders, and wrapped her arm around Emma, holding her. Emma slowly relaxed into the embrace, silently reminding herself that this was Regina. Regina, her friend that she trusted implicitly. Regina, the only person who has never judged her or expected more than she was willing to give. 

“I texted David earlier this morning to inform him that we are both taking a personal day.” Regina was matter-of-fact and her tone told Emma that it was not up for debate. She was secretly glad about it. She didn’t want to be far from Regina after last night. She felt safe with her, and last night was too emotional for her to be able to deal with the ramifications on her own. “I thought we would spend the day talking about a few things, but before we get to that, we are both in dire need of caffeine.” Both Emma and Regina chuckled, both knowing that neither of them were personable without at least two cups of coffee coursing through their systems. Regina squeezed Emma’s hand before moving to get out of bed, Emma following suit. Once Regina was out of the room, Emma poofed her baby blanket back home to the chest in her closet where she kept it out of sight from prying eyes. She didn’t want to have that conversation with Regina, though she knew unequivocally that Regina would bring it up. She really wasn’t one to be dissuaded from anything, much less when it came to Emma and her wellbeing. 

Regina walked straight for the coffee machine while Emma haphazardly dropped herself on the stool at the counter. Regina chuckled at what was a very ‘typical-Emma’ display. When the coffee was done, she set Emma’s yellow coffee mug in front of her and watched as Emma moaned at her first taste of caffeine. She turned around and made quick work of a simple breakfast of eggs, toast, and apples for the two of them. 

“I’m not hungry, Gina,” Emma said as she eyeing the food like it had personally affronted her. 

“I know, dear, and you’re still going to eat it. I suggest starting with the eggs. They aren’t very good cold.” Emma glared at her, unamused, but knew that arguing with Regina was not only fruitless, but contrary to their agreement. She had to trust that Regina was doing this for her benefit, and intellectually, she knew she had to eat, but the self-destructive part of her was telling her that this wasn’t necessary or wanted. Regina sat down next to her and started eating her food, watching as the blonde took a few, reluctant bites. Once Regina had finished her breakfast, and Emma still had yet to make a dent in hers, Regina sat back down next to her, pulled her plate and fork away from her, putting a generous amount of egg onto the fork, and presenting it to Emma’s mouth. Tears welled in jade eyes as she turned away from Regina. Regina placed a hand on Emma’s shoulder, stroking it with her thumb. 

“Emma? Talk to me,” she said softly, knowing that the vulnerability of last night was hitting the blonde hard.

“I’m sorry, Gina. I’m so sorry.” Emma started to move towards the door, but Regina caught her in hug, her front flush to Emma’s back. 

“Whatever are you sorry for, dear?” She spoke softly to the overwhelmed Savior.

“I’m sorry I can’t be better, Gina.” Emma’s voice broke as she tried to quell the rush of emotions that were threatening to break through the last defenses she had.

“You don’t need to be for me.” Regina’s voice was soft, sincere, and the simple declaration effectively shattered Emma’s blockade between the roaring wave of emotions she tried to abate and herself.

“You’re feeding me like a child for gods sake because I’m so fucked up that I can’t bring myself to do it, and last night! I can’t…” she broke down sobbing as Regina held her, knowing that the stress of being so vulnerable last night, and Regina’s move to feed her caused Emma to panic. 

“Emma, you never need to pretend with me. You can be however you need to be with me, and what happens between us, stays there. If you can’t bring yourself to eat, I will feed you, and that is okay. It doesn’t make you ‘fucked up’ and it doesn’t make me think any less of you.” She continued holding Emma until her breathing returned back to normal and her tears started to recede before leading them back to the counter and took up her seat, beckoning Emma to do the same. Regina turned the stool to face her and held up the fork with the egg up to Emma’s mouth. She took a deep breath before opening and allowing Regina to feed her. 

After she was satisfied with the amount of food Emma had eaten, she set to work making another cup of coffee for the both of them and moved towards bench that Emma loved so much. She started to sip her coffee and waited for Emma’s body to lose some of it’s tension before she spoke.

“Do you remember what I told you when you asked me what I get out of our arrangement?” Emma slowly nodded. “What did I say?” She needed Emma to truly understand where she was coming from before she brought up their next topic of conversation. 

“That you got to feel needed, and got to take care of someone you cared about.” Emma’s voice was barely above a whisper, not wanting to admit just how cared for that conversation with Regina had made her feel. 

“That is still very much the case, Emma, and I want you to hold that in your mind whenever we are together, but especially so during this conversation.” Regina took another sip of her coffee as she watched Emma’s features go from confused, to panic to no time flat. 

“Regina, I…” Regina held up her hand to stop whatever protest Emma was about to voice. 

“I know this conversation will be uncomfortable for you, dear, but I want you to remember what I said. It is me.” Her facial expression softened to try and abate some of Emma’s fears. “That said, if you truly want to stop this conversation, I want you to tell me so that we can discuss it, but we will at least make an attempt at it, because both you and I know it is important.” Regina knew her words had gotten through to the blonde when she sat back and took a sip of her own coffee, nodding slightly for Regina to continue. 

“First, I want to talk about why you didn’t wake me up when you had a nightmare last night.” Regina knew that this would be the safer of the two conversations as it was already a part of their establish dynamic, and not opening the can of worms that was Emma’s little side. 

“I knew you would make me talk about it, and I didn’t want to. I couldn’t then.” Emma’s voice held sadness as she recalled what the nightmare had been about. Regina examined Emma’s features, searching for what was left unsaid.

“Emma, what is our rule about nightmares when you ask me to take over?” Regina needed Emma to reiterate her understanding of their rules and why they were there. 

“That I wake you up.” Emma’s eyes downcast. 

“And why do we have that rule?” Regina continued to look at Emma, trying to gauge how far to push this topic. 

“Because you don’t want me to be alone with those memories…” She trailed off, hoping Regina wouldn’t make her fill in the rest. 

“True, I don’t like you being alone with traumatic memories when it is my role to keep you safe and care for you. I cannot do that if you do not let me, Emma. You also have a tendency to hurt yourself when those memories surface, and that is something that we are working on together, but again, that isn’t something I can help with if you do not let me. Safety and honesty, Emma. Those are our first two rules for a reason.” Regina’s voice held a firmness that told her that she took Emma’s indiscretion seriously, but held a softness that told Emma that this was a conversation, not an accusation. 

“I know, Gina. I just…” She trailed off, but when she glanced at the brunette, seeing a perfectly sculpted eyebrow raise, she continued. “I just don’t know how to talk about those memories or nightmares. Sometimes they aren’t really words, just feelings. If that makes sense.” She was struggling to put her experiences into words, and sensing that Emma was truly trying to convey her thoughts, Regina softened and helped her along. 

“Can you give me an example?” Emma nodded. 

“Sometimes I just feel hands on me, or hear yelling, but there isn’t any words. I just remember how it felt.” Jade eyes were glistening in remembrance. 

“I know those can be really scary,” Regina said simply. Emma looked up and directly at her friend, questioning. “I get them, too, though not as frequently as I used to.” Emma looked a little taken aback at that revelation. She knew Regina had been through a lot, but she talked about it so infrequently that Emma wasn’t really sure the extent, though she had gathered and guest bits and pieces throughout the years.

“You do?” Emma’s expression softened at the idea of maybe not having to piece together a semi-coherent explanation of the inexplicable. 

“I do, and Emma, especially when those types of flashbacks or nightmares happen, I really need you to come and get me, even if you can’t talk. I know sometimes you cannot put them into words, and I will never push you to talk about them if I don’t firmly believe it would be beneficial, but that isn’t something you should or need to go through on your own.” Emma nodded and reached out for Regina’s hand, who took it without hesitation. 

“Last night, after I came downstairs to find you on the bench, and asked you to come back to bed, do you remember what happened?” Regina trended carefully knowing that this might be something Emma was incredibly protective over. Emma nodded and squeezed Regina’s hand, indicating her anxiety at the impending conversation. “It seemed to me that maybe a younger Emma came out last night, does that sound right?” Regina watched as Emma ducked her head and tried to pull away from Regina. She held on tightly, knowing Emma’s reaction was an affirmation of her analysis, and gently lifted Emma’s chin with her finger until their eyes met. “There is no judgment Emma.” Emma nodded. “Were you feeling little last night?” Regina cupped Emma’s cheek in her hand and started stroking pale skin with her thumb. Emma nodded. “Does she come out often?” Emma knew that she had to verbally answer this question because the answer was complicated at best, but that only caused her anxiety to sky rocket. Sensing this, Regina added, “take your time, dear. We are in no rush.” 

Emma scooted closed to Regina, wanting the comfort of being close to her friend during this conversation. She took a few deep breaths and had to remind herself that this was Regina. Sharing this part of herself was hard. It took her years to come to terms with the fact that she sometimes felt younger than she was, and she only ever ‘let’ it happen when she was alone. That’s not to say that the urge wasn’t there whenever she felt scared or overwhelmed, because she really, really wanted to let herself have that comfort when those emotions surfaced, but she couldn’t risk it. Maybe with Regina, she could? Maybe Regina would actually care for that side of her. Regina wrapped her arm around Emma, holding her, and she knew that the brunette would wait as long as she needed to collect her thoughts. 

“She is always there to some extent I think, but whenever I get scared or overwhelmed, I really want to let myself feel like that…younger.” Emma took a deep breath trying to urge herself forward. Regina started rubbing lazy patterns on her arms and shoulders to give comfort to Emma, knowing how hard this is for her. “I don’t let it happen unless I know I will be alone, but even then, I still have to make sure to have tight control over it in case I need to be big again.” 

It made Regina sad to think how restricted Emma’s little had to be. She understood why Emma had to rules in place, and was surprised at how well hidden she has managed to keep her little, but she hoped Emma would let herself slip into little space more freely as they started to build up more trust between the two of them. 

“It seems like she doesn’t get to come out as often as she would like,” Regina commented.

“She doesn’t.” Emma sounded truly sad at that fact, and it made Regina more determined to get to know that side fo Emma. 

“Does it help calm Big you down when you let yourself feel little?” She wanted to know to what extent this was a coping mechanism for Emma, and if it was one that worked when she let it, then Regina would try and introduce the idea with the two of them. 

“Kind of…. It helps a lot, but it’s also really stressful. I feel like I have to constantly be on guard in case someone comes around or I need to, I don’t know… be Big again. It makes me a little paranoid, honestly.” 

“Do you think letting your little side out without having to worry about that would help alleviate some of your stress?” They were going to take this conversation slowly in case Emma became too overwhelmed at the idea of being little with Regina present. It was an extraordinary amount of trust, and she knew that they would need to take this in stages for Emma to relax into that role. 

“Maybe…” She knew Regina well enough to know that she was asking these questions with a purpose, and while Emma had an inkling where this conversation might be headed, she wasn’t entirely sure, but Regina seemed to know quite a bit about Emma’s little side and why she went there, so she had to trust that Regina knew what she was doing. 

“Do you think that some of your self-destructive tendencies might come from trying to keep her at bay?” Regina asked carefully. Emma cocked her head in the way that she does when she is thinking deeply on something. 

“Maybe sometimes. I usually run, or drinks, or don’t eat, or stuff like that when I get overwhelmed or have a really bad day, and that’s usually when I want to feel younger, but I don’t do those things because I won’t let myself feel young… both urges are there. ” Regina nodded, and closed both of Emma’s hands in front of her, holding her securely for this next question. 

“How did it feel letting her out while you were with me last night?” Regina started rubbing circles on Emma’s knuckles as she felt the blonde’s body tense. Emma’s breathing started to become erratic, and she knew that if she wanted to stop this from devolving into a full-blown panic attack, that she had to act swiftly. “Deep breaths, dear. Try and copy mine,,” she said as took an audible breath in, puffing her chest out, followed by an audible exhale. “Remember what I said, we take this at your pace. Just focus on your breathing, and when you are ready to talk, I am here. We are in no rush,” Regina said softly into Emma’s ear as she slowly rocked them back and forth as best she could on the bench, remembering how well the rocking chair had worked to calm Emma down last night. 

Emma knew that if she answered Regina honestly, if she told her that she felt safe and cared for and slept well for the first time in weeks, that Regina would suggest letting herself feel small more, and she didn’t know if she was ready for that. She trusted Regina, but it was one thing to give control to Regina when she still had all of her adult convictions; it was entirely another to give herself over to Regina that completely. It scared her to think what would happen if she truly let herself be small, without her adult mind always being present as a moderator. There was a deep part of her, that wanted to give that part of herself to Regina, but she didn’t know if she could let go enough to let herself.

Honesty… that was their rule. She knew Regina could read her like an open book, and would see through any attempt at a half-truth, so she braced herself, working up the courage to tell Regina how she felt.

“I never had that… someone to hold me. I was really scared last night, and you made me feel safe.” Regina squeezed Emma tightly before propping her chin on the blonde’s shoulder. 

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Emma. It means a lot to me that you felt comfortable enough to let yourself feel little around me, and I’m glad I was able to help,” she said honestly. 

“I know what you’re going to ask next, and I don’t know. I don’t know if I’m ready to let her out again like that.” Emma didn’t want to upset Regina by backtracking their progress, but Regina wanted her to be honest, and she didn’t know if she was ready to feel that vulnerable again. 

“And you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but Emma, I want you to know that it is an option with me. I loved that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me, and it doesn’t have to happen all at once or as completely as it did last night.” She turned Emma so that they were facing each other. “Let me ask you something,” she said cupping Emma’s cheek. “Did it bother you last night when I washed your hair or fed you?” Emma shook her head no. Regina waited, and Emma knew she wanted a verbal response. 

“No, it made it easier to do those things…. I didn’t panic as much because I didn’t have to bring myself to do it. You took care of it for me.” Regina smiled at the reply. 

“Then if you would like, we can start with something similar. Letting me take care of you like that. Taking over small tasks that are hard or scary for you so that you don’t have to worry about them.” Regina held Emma’s gaze to convey the truth in her words, and when Emma gave her a wane smile back, she knew that they had made some progress. 

“We can try.” That was the closest to an affirmation that Emma could manage, and Regina smiled knowingly.


End file.
